In any case, this post is going to be a lot of venting. I know I shouldn't allow my anger to get the best of me, but I feel like there's been so much bottled up, and typing might just enable me to organize my thoughts and feelings properly.
Since my last post was in 2011, I feel it would only be right as to consider all the wonderful blessings that my God has provided me with in the past three months of this new year.
Well, the semester ended well for me, and Christmas break wasn't off to the best start, because I was really sick, but by God's grace, I was well enough in time for New Year Revival which was another spiritual uproar by the Holy Spirit. During that time, it was also my birthday, and although Revival kind of overshadowed my birthday, I wouldn't have had it any other way. Experiencing the Spirit of God was good enough for me! Another thing that happened on New Year's Eve was that we had a Diocesan Youth Fellowship General Body Conference Call in which I was elected as the new DYF Treasurer, because the previous treasurer was unable to complete her term. In one sense, I was excited to take this position, because it meant working with two guys that I saw not only as dear friends and mentors, but also as spiritual brothers, and our relationships continue to grow even to this day.
After Revival, I was busy packing for my road trip to Florida for the Diocesan Youth Fellowship Leadership Conference which was hosted by St. Mark's Mar Thoma Church in Tampa Bay, Florida. Justin, Patrick, and I drove down there. Ohh man! What a conference! If I have ever been crammed with Biblical teachings before, it does not compare to all that I learned at this conference which I praise God for. It was powerful, and I learned a lot. Not only that, I stayed with an amazing family, and I had some fantastic roommates with whom my conference growth continued even unto the night at the house. I also enjoyed meeting some great new people and reconnecting with several old and dear friends. Along with that, I also enjoyed my share of being bullied and bullying our youth chaplains. I don't think there are many others that I have a deeper sense of respect for as I do for these youth chaplains, but at the same time, I enjoy every waking moment I get making fun of them. It's kind of how my relationship with each of them really is.
The new semester began, and I enjoy all my classes! I have three counseling classes, and the lessons I've learned in there will continue with me forever! I mean, I don't think I have ever learned more life application lessons in school than I have in these three classes. I still work, and I have even begun volunteering at this elementary school twice a week. On Tuesdays and Thursdays, I go to this elementary school in Denton and volunteer with America Reads which is an awesome organization. I enjoy spending two hours with these little kids after school, helping them with homework, playing games, and just spending time with them. It really is the highlight of my weeks.
On Friday, February 17, 2012, my second sister and her husband was given the privilege to bring forth my beautiful princess niece named Chloe Thomas. Every weekend when I come home, I go by their apartment and spend some time with her. I love her so much! She is the most precious baby, and I really see the love of God through this gift that He has given us. My only prayer is that she continues to grow in the Lord, and that even though I can't always protect her, that He watch over her and enable her to realize the depth of our love for her and the depth of His love which is far greater.
Friday, March 9 to Sunday, March 11, 2012, St. Paul's Mar Thoma Church conducted our first family and youth retreat. It was such an amazing experience. It was a small group, but I saw the Spirit of God moving, and I experienced that familial feeling that I used to feel a long time ago. It was simply beautiful.
I guess, after recounting all my blessings I really don't have much to vent. It's funny how we think that all our troubles just seem to pile on, but we forget to stop and smell the roses, and realize God's loving guidance in our lives. All I know is, I'll always face criticism. I'll always experience being put down, disrespected, and hurt by people, not only in the church but outside. All I can say is, at the end of the day, I have faith that my God isn't going to simply question and hound me for the small mistakes, but He appreciates all that I have done in His name. I can't take credit for it though. I know that all glory goes to Him, because it was His hand working in me. I'm simply an instrument being used by Him in the proper manner.
Out of Paul's thirteen letters accounted for in the Bible, Philippians has some very powerful verses that really comes to my mind a lot. In Philippians 3:12-14, Paul says, "Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." These three verses really resonate with me, and as I sit here typing, I realize that I shouldn't hold onto what people have said, but rather move forward in the faith that Christ has called me to have.
On the other hand, it's what Building 429 sings in their song, "Where I Belong." They sing, "All I know is I'm not home yet. This is not where I belong. Take this world and give me Jesus. This is not where I belong." That's what my heart resorts to feeling whenever things are tough or I feel the burden of the world on my shoulders, but at the same time, I pray the same prayer Christ had prayed for His disciples. "My prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one." I don't pray to be taken away from the harsh reality of this world, but that He holds my hand walking alongside me through this reality.
I really do feel better now. I really can move forward with a much lighter heart.
"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me."
-Psalm 23:4 (NIV 1984)
