That is exactly how I feel currently. I have been back in Dallas for exactly one week right now. I came back on Tuesday, July 19, 2011, and as I was leaving New York, I felt a pain. Despite what some may think, it's not because I hate Dallas or because I do not like any of my friends here. The truth is, I loved New York, because I developed a passion for ministry. I realized this is exactly what God has called me for. When I'm in Dallas, I run the A/V for church, and I like doing it, but I know this is not where my heart is at. My heart is in ministry, and I know even if I don't get paid, this is what I want to do. I know that despite the politics, fights, and all the other drama in the church, I need to be doing this. While I was doing practical training, I realized God was telling me exactly why He wanted me to do it. First and foremost, it is because I know there are many people, especially youths that are going through depression, drugs, abuse, addictions, alcohol, sex, and the list goes on. God wants me to reach out to these people and counsel them and bring them back to the arms of their Heavenly Father. Then, He also revealed to me that He wants me to bridge the gap between parents and children, the whole culture clash. I realized I can blend well with parents and children, so I want to be there on both sides to bring them closer. These two reasons can make a person wonder why an Achen and not a social worker, so my final reason really explains it all. I feel that there are too many people being misguided, and they feel that the Mar Thoma Church can't bring them spiritual growth. I want to help people understand that it IS possible to grow spiritually in the Mar Thoma Church, but also to make them understand that no church is perfect, but communal fellowship is necessary. No matter what, it's not about the church, but rather it's about God. First and foremost, it is God, and if a person feels they can only get closer to God in another church, I would respectfully disagree with them, but I am not that person, and I cannot control that person's decision, so I wouldn't stop them.
Anyways, now that I have explained all that I have learned and grown, I want to talk about my last couple of weeks experiences. It has been a memorable experience, and I really do miss it.
Thursday, July 7, 2011 was the first day of the National Youth Conference. It was a very chill day, but off the bat, I started making new friends. I quickly figured out that I was going to have a good time there, because I knew that there will definitely be the work of the Holy Spirit, but at the same time, the people I started meeting were so personable, so I would really enjoy getting to know them.
Friday, July 8, 2011 was one of the most humbling and awe-inspiring experiences that I have had in my life. I was given the responsibility to be a lay leader for the Holy Qurbana service for National Youth Conference, but that was before the ordination of Rev. Dennis Abraham was decided for that day, but even then, Thirumeni had given me permission to assist in the Holy Qurbana. That day was such a beautiful day. There were two Thirumenis, about thirteen Achens, one Deacon, one Deacon soon to be Achen, and a person that became a good friend for me. I mean seriously, what more practical training could I have asked for?! The chants, the worship, the putting on of vestments, the amount of time Dennis Achen had to spend on his knees, the cutting of his hair, the amount of time we had to stand up there, and all in all, I was really blown away by this. I remember thinking to myself, "God willing, one day that is going to be me on my knees being elevated by God to ordained ministry." I was overcome with emotions because of this. The whole ordination really put the conference into perspective.
After the ordination, we went through the whole conference. Biju Achen gave me the privilege to lead with him Denominational Differences track. I did a lot of research, and I learned a lot of the different denominations. My part of the track was about ecumenical relations, and I spoke about it. It was a lot of information! I was glad to hear from those that attended that even though it was a lot of information, it was useful. I led this track on Saturday as well.
Friday evening, we had chicken and rice for dinner. Man! I really love that stuff. I actually miss it. I wished Texas would have something like that! We also had a carnival that night. That was mad fun. We had inflatables, and these weren't some little kid inflatables. These were legit. There was jousting, this big ball thing, and the hammer hitting the bell thing, and a bunch of other stuff. I really enjoyed that. Best Friday evening event that I've ever seen at a conference!
Saturday, July 9, 2011 was a great day as well. Nothing as big as Friday, but I must admit, it went very smoothly. I loved the main talks by Jason Gaboury. He is a really great guy, and I could tell he was led by the Spirit. In the morning, I assisted with Shibi Achen in the region led worship, and with Jaisen Achen in the evening. Myself and Dn. Alex Kolath were the only two people from the WHOLE South West Region which was a little disappointing, but it is their own choice. We assisted twice, and I really liked it. The worship that we had there was awesome! Basically, after each prayer the Praise & Worship team would lead a song, and it was customized very well to the conference. This really began last year, and I thought it was brilliant. I think we need to continue this habit, so it grows all over the Diocese. This way, we continue to prove we are reforming, and we have adapted to the culture, but we still also cling onto our Eastern heritage.
Sunday, July 10, 2011 was a sad day. I realized the conference had come to an end. The dedication service was purely awesome. Three people went up and gave their testimony, and those were three of the most ground-shaking testimonies. I really was blown away by them. The Achens led Praise & Worship for a small session which I thought was great. They sang all these old school Sunday School songs, and they closed off with Because He Lives. We have some really talented Youth Chaplains. I respect them a lot, even though they abuse me like none other. Let's just say, I don't make it easy on them though.
Overall, this conference really taught me a lot, and I got to experience a lot. The most I think I really liked about this conference was the time I had to talk to people one on one. There are many youths out there that really have a care and concern for the Mar Thoma Church. I got to speak to a bunch, and I got to hear their viewpoints on a lot of things. I debated with them different views, but I felt that my friendship with them really grew. I also led a small group on Friday and Saturday as well. This was perhaps one of the best small groups I've ever led. We all shared our different thoughts, and we spoke. I wasn't the one speaking; everyone else did the speaking. They shared personal experiences, and all that they learned and grew from. It was beautiful!
Sunday, after the conference, I went to the Sinai Mar Thoma Center. I had packed up and left Biju Achen's house. Biju Achen's in-laws came into town, so we thought it would be a good idea if I spent my last week in the Aramana. That evening, we had a barbecue at the Aramana with the St. John's family. That was an awesome experience. I got to speak to Dennis Achen a lot, and we hung out with the youths. Overall, they had some really good barbecue.
Monday through Wednesday, we worked on different stuff at the Aramana. I loved being there, because I was exposed to a lot. I learned a lot, and I thought it was just so cool to be able to be part of the conversations. I also got to speak to Thirumeni one on one a few times, and he is an insightful man! We really spoke to each other, and he shared a lot of his thoughts with me, so I felt really happy. Thursday afternoon, Thirumeni, Rev. K.E. Geevarghese (Diocesan Secretary), and myself drove to New Jersey for the Jr. Sr. Conference. Jr. Sr. Conference is a North East Region and South East Region combined Conference for kids from 6th grade to 12th grade. Despite a few issues, the conference was an overall success. I liked it, and I was glad I could take part in it. Initially, I was supposed to leave Friday afternoon with Thirumeni, but I wanted to stay for another day, so I found a ride that was leaving on Saturday early morning. I wasn't too fond of the idea, but I decided it would be good. Then, I found out that a buddy of mine was driving to the conference, but he was willing to leave right when I needed to go. He arrived at 2:30 PM, and we left around 4:00 PM. This wasn't a bad idea, but I wished I went in the morning, so I could relax, change, and go to the prayer meeting that I was supposed to speak at that evening. Instead, my friend dropped me off at the prayer meeting just in time, so I wasn't able to change, but I had a shirt and jeans on. I found out that ministry doesn't get much rest, and I actually like that. I wouldn't have it any other way.
Sunday, July 17, 2011 was my last Sunday in New York. It was pretty funny. The week before, Rev. A.B. Binu, Vicar of Long Island Mar Thoma Church came up to me right after conference was over, and he told me that he wanted me to preach at the prayer meeting, and he wanted me to preach that Sunday as well. Fast forward back to Sunday. Saturday night, I tried preparing my sermon, but I just didn't know what to say, and I was tired. I got a few things down, but Sunday morning, I woke up at 5:00 AM, and I began working on it. Somehow, I finished that within an hour, and I felt this was one of the most challenging sermons I had ever written. This would be challenging not only to the people but also to me. I love Sunday's Holy Qurbana. I was preaching in front of not one, not two, but THREE Achens! I couldn't believe it. One was a sanyasi Achen (unmarried), the other was an Achen part of that church, and the final was the Vicar Rev. A.B. Binu. I felt really privileged. After this was done, I spent some time socializing with my friends. Long Island Mar Thoma Church became my church. They youths there told me that I became an honorary member of their YF. I really love that YF. They celebrate their 25th Anniversary or the Silver Jubilee this Sunday, July 31, 2011. I wish that church all of God's blessings, and may they continue to be the light of the world and the city on a hill which cannot be hidden.
Monday, July 18, 2011 was my last official day in New York. My two brothers there took me out. We had lunch at an Afghan Grill, and we drove to different places. Then, we grabbed some coffee and we sat and talked for a while. Then, in the evening, they drop me off with another group of friends. All of these friends were Long Island MTC Youths. We went to Manhaset, and we ate at this place called Buttercooky (Buttercoopy!). It was a small bakery in a small town. It had that Gilmore Girls vibe (Yes, I used to watch Gilmore Girls back in the day). There was a local band playing which we sat and listened to for a while. After all this was done, they dropped me back at the Aramana, and they gave me a Long Island t-shirt. I was really touched by this.
Tuesday, July 19, 2011 was the day I left New York. I felt somewhat depressed because I had to leave all these friends that I had made, but I knew that one day, I will see them again. Thirumeni was arriving an hour or so earlier than I was leaving at the same airport, so Saji Uncle (Aramana Staff) dropped me off and picked up Thirumeni. Thirumeni spoke to me, and he wished me the best, and we left. Rev. K.E. Geevarghese gave me a few presents that morning. It was a Worship Order for Special Occassions which was recently released, a DVD on Liturgy, and a book on Thirumeni. I thought it was an interesting choice of items to give me, but I knew this is going to really help me with learning about ministry. I spent some time sleeping on the plane. I had a layover where I had to change planes in Orlando. Once I got on the plane from Orlando, we arrived in St. Louis. There, a few more passengers got in. A lot more left though. This guy sat next to me. I spent some time talking to him. We spoke about all kinds of things, work, school, church, everything under the sun. After a while, he told me about his son who didn't really have a focus in life. He had just graduated high school, but he didn't really care too much. He was wrapped up in his own life. I could tell this father was concerned about his son. I told him that he could only pray for him. He is at a crossroads in his life, and the only thing the father can do is support him, even if he disagrees with him. Then, I prayed with him for a couple of minutes. I felt that God connected me to this man, so I could pray for his son. Here, I felt my ministry was really being utilized by God. Honestly, everything I went through, God really utilized me. It was never me or about me. It is about Him, and it will always be about Him, and that makes me feel happy more than anything else.
Coming back to Dallas, I realized this is real practical training. Over the past week, I've had to go through some serious issues. When I was in New York, I was welcomed and loved by everyone I came in contact with. In Dallas, I felt the harshness of reality, but I knew this is also part of the ministry, so I couldn't ask for anything more than this. I gratefully take this on me, because I know that ministry will not always be happy and welcoming people, but it will always be my passion.
Just a heads up, this isn't my last post. I'm really sorry I couldn't update for the past few weeks. Hopefully, even if I can't post once a week, I'll still be posting different thoughts. Thanks for keeping up with me on my journey. It really means a lot to me. I love you all.
"Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends."
-John 15:13 (NIV)
